Review – Museum of Osteology

Howdy y’all. Hannah here, back again with another museum review for all you crazy party animals museum enthusiasts out there. This time we will visit (in spirit) what is perhaps my favorite of all time: The Museum of Osteology. That’s right, a museum all about skeletons, bones, exoskeletons, and even a little boning (I’ll explain more on that later). The bone museum celebrates the calcified reason critters are solid shapes instead of soft, impotent bags of goo.

This guy partied a little too hard in the eighties.

This guy partied a little too hard in the eighties.

This place has nearly THREE HUNDRED whole skeletons from all over the world – rare, extinct, and common species alike. They have homo habilis. They have a full Asian elephant skeleton. They have a Tyrannosaurus Rex skull. They have a blue whale skeleton hanging from the ceiling for crying out loud!

Photographer: "You CANNOT call me Ishmael"

*Photographer’s name is not Ishmael

I am aware that I’m already getting into the habit of trying to sell these museums to the readers. Guilty. They mean a lot to me and everyone can use a little more education. And it is seriously fun! Here, they have a separate scavenger hunt for kids and adults that really engages your mind and makes you remember what you learn. But wait, what makes a scavenger hunt unsuitable for children, you ask? Well, besides being significantly harder, the adult scavenger has one question that no child should ever be asked to answer. “What is a baculum?”

Answer: Walrus Rape Bone. “Vagina destroyer” is also acceptable.

Answer: Walrus Rape Bone. “Vagina destroyer” is also acceptable.

Are you a little turned off now? Not in the mood for bones anymore? No? You still want more? Well I may have the cure to your insatiable bone-lust. The museum is run by a company called Skulls Unlimited that sells actual skulls and bones. You can even hop online and buy an entire human skeleton as long as you’re purchasing these bones in the name of science and stuff, of course.

He knows you clicked that link. Just look at his stupid judgy fac--- well, never mind.

He knows you clicked that link. Just look at his stupid judgy fac— well, never mind.

The Museum of Osteology may close a little early for my taste but you really can’t beat the admission fee for all the creepy anatomically correct goodness you get. In fact, I would highly recommend skipping work to go. How is your boss going to be mad when you hand him a glorious baculum as a souvenir?? If you would like to support this lovely institution, you may donate online; they know what’s up because they take PayPal. If I helped you discover your life’s ambition to be immortalized as an exhibit (or you have a dead body/animal carcass lying around that you’ve been meaning to get rid of) the museum can help you with that too.

You could BE the bat, man.

You could BE the bat, man.

I want to leave you with one last question. Have you given any thought about  how they go from carcass to skeleton yet? 🙂

HANNAHSLAMMA WILL RESPAWN IN THREE… TWO… ONE…

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